to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
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