You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
