There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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