He asked to "fluff my boner.."
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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