and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Randomize
