I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
