i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Randomize
