I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
