Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
