Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
