either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
