Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
