reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
