I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
