You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
