Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
