He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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