note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
