My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
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