Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
