dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
