im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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