so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
