Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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