Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
