is your mom at the bar?
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
27 Common Occurrences Everyone Can Relate To But No One Talks About
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
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ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.