you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.