i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
25 Facts Men Don’t Know About Women Until They Live Together
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
These 19 People Imagine Others When Banging Their SO
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole