Got a toothbrush?
Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Dick is healthier for you than green beans