well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
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My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
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You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.