Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra