Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
