all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
