Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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