take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
why is half of my head shaved?
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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