Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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