we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
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