I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Randomize
