I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
