True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I'm just crazy horny about you
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
