just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Randomize
