You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I miss vodka workout Fridays
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I FOUND THE LEGS
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