the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
