the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
