if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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