Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
