watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
