he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
