dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
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