im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
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Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
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you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
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