I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize
