If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
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