you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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