it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Dating After Heartbreak
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
These Images Prove Chrissy Teigen is the Funniest Model Alive
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION