I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.