I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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