Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"