i wish starbucks made bloody marys
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.