sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
