ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
