The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Randomize
