Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
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