dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
My cat gives me a boner
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
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