i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
