so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
