smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
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