a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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