Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
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