I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
