Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
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