I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Randomize
