Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Randomize
