I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
You ruined the universe
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Randomize
